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"Berkiblatlah pada YANG DIATAS, jangan pada Ibu. Ibu juga belum sempurna, masih menjalankan tugas. Hati, pikiran, prilaku, semua harus ditata. Bersahabatlah dengan alam, berbagilah waktu dengan alam. Jagalah alam ini layaknya kamu menjaga raga dan keluarga.

Buang jauh-jauh sifat ke-aku-an mu. Tuntutlah ilmu padi. Janganlah berburu pusaka-pusaka di tempat-tempat kramat, tidak ada gunanya. Tapi jadikanlah dirimu pusaka. Jadikanlah otakmu berlian dan hatimu emas. Itu lebih berguna. Mengajilah pada Al Quran yang ada didalam dirimu, bukan Al Quran orang lain. Bersembunyilah di tempat yang terang...

Eling ngger, eling... Waspodo... Yakin, iklas hadapi hidup ini. Semua sudah ditata rapi, jalani saja apa adanya. Itu yang paling penting."

CONFESSION OF A MYSTIC IN LOVE

"WHAT U JUST EXPERIENCED WAS AN ANXIETY ATTACK!" SAID THE DOCTOR.

"PHYSICALLY, U R AS HEALTHY AS A BULL. UR HEART IS FINE, ALTHOUGH U DO HAVE SYMPTOM OF GERD, BUT IT WILL GO AWAY ON ITS OWN."

"SO, IF THAT WAS THE CASE , WHAT IS GOING ON WITH ME?" I ASKED.

"WHAT U R SUFFERING FROM IS MORE PSYCHOLOGICAL, NOT PHYSICAL. IT'S A CLASSIC CASE OF PSYCHOSOMATIC." REPLIED THE DOCTOR.

I LOOKED BLANK, AND TO THIS THE DOCTOR EXPLAINED, "WHEN SOMEONE WORRIES, OR STRESSES OVER SOMETHING OF A LONG PERIOD OF TIME, THE WORRIES BECOME ROOTED IN THEIR SUB-CONSCIOUS SO DEEP THAT THE BRAIN WILL SEND THE SIGNALS TO THE STOMACH AND RESULTING IN THE OVER PRODUCTION OF THE GAS CAUSING HEART BURN AND IN TURN THE BODY MIMICS THE EFFECT OF A HEART ATTACK. I CAN RECOMMEND U A SHRINK, IF U WANT."

WTF???? I WANDER INSIDE, SO I'VE BEEN A NUTCASE ALL THIS TIME AND NOT REALIZING IT.

THAT WAS WHAT I FOUND OUT QUITE RECENTLY...

I THOUGHT I WAS HAPPY, SPIRITUALLY CONTENTED, I THOUGHT I WAS FINE. BUT AS IT TURNED OUT, IT'S MORE SERIOUS THAN I REALIZE.

THAT WHOLE CONFRONTATION WAS LIKE A PAINFUL SLAP OF WAKE UP CALL TO MY FACE. I TOOK IT HARD.

I TRIED TO LOOK BACK TO WHEN IT ALL BEGIN. WHAT WAS THE CAUSES OF IT? TRIED TO LOOK FOR THE ANSWER...

I SAT IN ZEN MEDITATION, JUST SITTING, NOT CONCENTRATING, NOT CONTEMPLATING, NOT FOCUSING ON ANYTHING. I JUST SAT FOR THE WHOLE NIGHT. JUST SAT... FACING THE WALL. JUST WITNESSING, JUST WATCHING NOT GETTING CAUGHT IN EVERY STREAM OF THOUGHTS THAT CAME IN AND OUT, JUST WATCHING, FLASHBACK OF MY PAST, ALL THE PAINFUL STUFF, ALL THE HEARTACHES, ALL THE DISAPPOINTMENTS, ALL THE NEGATIVITY, ALL THE DRAMAS, ALL THE WORRIES, AND MOST OF ALL, MY FEAR, DEEP ROOTED FEAR. I SAW WHAT I WAS REALLY AFRAID OF. FEAR OF LOSS, FEAR OF REJECTION, FEAR OF BEING DISAPPOINTED, FEAR OF NOT BEING ACKNOWLEDGED, AND THE BIGGEST FEAR OF THEM ALL, FEAR OF LOVE.

YES, THE TRUTH IS I AM SOOOO AFRAID OF LOVE. THE VERY THOUGHT OF LOVE SCARES ME. I INSTANTLY PUT DOWN MY SHIELD WHENEVER THERE'S AN OPPORTUNITY TO LOVE. TO PROTECT MYSELF. TO PROTECT ME FROM GETTING HURT, TO PROTECT ME FROM BEING REJECTED. MY WHOLE DEFENSE MECHANISM WAS LIKE, I'M GONNA HURT U FIRST BEFORE U HURT ME. IT HAS BEEN LIKE THIS SINCE I CAN REMEMBER. FOR 3 YEARS I'M NOT WITH ANYONE. UNTIL 1 YEAR AGO, SOMEONE CAME INTO MY LIFE AND TEAR DOWN MY WALL, BROKE DOWN ALL MY DEFENSE MECHANISM. THIS PERSON FORCE ME TO FACE MY FEAR, CHALLENGE ME TO LOVE. LIKE A MIRROR, THIS PERSON REFLECTS EVERY PART OF ME THAT I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO DENY MY ENTIRE LIFE. THIS PERSON IS EVERY PART LIKE ME. I WAITED FOR A YEAR FOR THIS PERSON TO OPEN UP TO ME, AND NOW THAT MOMENT HAS ARRIVED... BY NOW I'M SOOO IN LOVE, THAT IT SCARES ME. THAT IS WHEN IT HITS ME, IF THIS WAS TRUE LOVE, THEN WHY IS THERE FEAR AS WELL? THIS IS THE BIG QUESTION!!! THIS IS WHAT ALMOST DRIVES ME INTO A LOONY HOUSE.

THIS PROCESS OF MEDITATION WENT ON FOR HOURS, TO THE POINT WHERE I COULDN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE. I WAS THINKING TO MY SELF, IF DEATH IS COMING TO GET ME NOW, SO BE IT! I DROPPED EVERYTHING, TOTALLY LETTING GO. I WAS IN TOTAL SURRENDER...

THEN, SOMETHING EXTRAORDINARY HAPPENED.... AMIDST ALL THE MAMBO JUMBO OF THOUGHTS THAT WENT INTO MY MIND, SUDDENLY I SAW A SEPARATION. THERE WERE THE THOUGHTS, THEN AT THE SAME TIME THERE WAS THE WITNESS, WHO IS THINKING NOW, WHO IS FEELING ALL THIS FEAR, I KEPT ASKING, KEPT ASKING, KEPT ASKING.... THERE'S THE FEELING, THERE'S THE THOUGHT, BUT THERE'S NO ONE FEELING, THERE'S NO ONE THINKING... TOTAL SILENCE, JUST THE WITNESSING, JUST THE WATCHING.

THEN, EVERYTHING WAS CLEAR.... LIKE A CRYSTAL, EVERYTHING WAS CLEAR...

ALL THIS TIME, IT HAS BEEN THE EGO!!! YES, IT WAS THE EGO FEARING. IT WAS NOT ME, IT WAS NOT LOVE, IT WAS THE EGO. IT WAS THE EGO THAT WAS AFRAID OF LOVE, AFRAID OF DISAPPOINTMENT, AFRAID OF LOSS, AFRAID OF REJECTION... IT HAS BEEN THE EGO ALL ALONG... JUST LIKE A DARK ROOM AT A SWITCH OF THE LIGHT, EVERYTHING DISAPPEARS. THE EGO DISAPPEARS...

ALL THAT'S LEFT WAS THIS BLISSFUL STATE OF AWARENESS. IT WAS SO PEACEFUL. FULL OF LOVE. I REALIZED I HAD IDENTIFIED WITH THE EGO TO BE MY THOUGHTS, MY FEELINGS, EVERYTHING. BUT IN REALITY, THE EGO IS ILLUSORY, NOT REAL. 'I AM' REAL, I AM THE DIVINE, THE WITNESS...

SO WHO'S AFRAID OF LOVE NOW? HOW CAN I BE SO AFRAID OF LOVE? I AM LOVE! ALWAYS HAVE BEEN! IT DOES NOT MATTER WHETHER OR NOT MY LOVE IS BEING RETURNED. THE EGO WOULD HAVE KILLED TO HAVE IT'S LOVE RETURNED! BUT HOW CAN I BE AFRAID OF NOT BEING LOVED IN RETURNED? THAT'S LIKE THE OCEAN ASKING FOR A PINCH OF SALT! I LAUGHED OUT A BIG BELLY LAUGHTER!


JUST LIKE THAT!!!
NEVER BORN, NEVER DIED...
HOW CAN THE OCEAN ASK FOR A PINCH OF SALT?
LOVE IS FORMLESS...

SAMPAIKANLAH PADA IBU

sampaikanlah pada IBU
aku pulang terlambat waktu ku akan menaklukkan malam
dengan jalan qalbuku

sampaikanlah pada BAPAK
aku mencari jalan atas semua keresahan keresahan ini
kegelisahan manusia

rentanglah
malam yang dingin
laut yang lepas

berbagi waktu dengan alam
kau akan tau siapa dirimu yang sebenarnya
hakikat manusia

tak pernah berhenti berjuang pecahkan teka-teki malam
tak pernah berhenti berjuang pecahkan teka-teki keadilan

akan aku telusuri jalan yang setapak ini
smoga kutemukan jawaban

MESSAGE FROM THE GREAT SOUTH...

Last eve of Friday Kliwon, Kanjeng Ibu descended and delivered the message below:

"Sang Hyang Sira, Sang Hyang Udel, Sang Hyang Dampar (Jawa Barat, Jawa Tengah, Jawa Timur) Merambat sampai ke semua kepulauan NUSANTARA BARU, Cemara Putih menandakan pusat dimana semua perabadan dunia akan berkiblat Ke Majapahit III / Nusantara Baru."

"Tongkat-tongkat kepemimpinan, peran-peran Orang Tua sudah dipindahkan ke generasi penerus. Cakra Tritunggabuwana Dewi sudah digenggam. Bendera Majapahit sudah berkibar di langit. Garuda Raja Wali mengitari ufuk timur tempat Putra Fajar (Soekarno) bertahta, bersatu dengan Dewi pemomong alam Ibu Dewi Kusumaning Ayu Ratu Kidul yg sudah menyediakan tahta untuk penerus atau pemomong alam baru."

"Di ajang 2012, akan dimulai pemilihan penguasa atau pemomong laut selatan, laut utara, laut timur, laut barat. Berikut juga penguasa-penguasa gaib di 8 penjuru mata angin yg akan turun tahta untuk diteruskan oleh putra putri pertiwi yang sudah siap dinobatkan. Pesan untuk generasi muda: Tanamkan jiwa kecintaan akan tanah air, tuntutlah ilmu sampe ke negeri seberang, tapi budayakanlah di bumi pertiwi. Kembalikan jati diri bangsa ini dengan membangkitkan jati diri atau hakekat sejati anak-anak kita, didiklah untuk percaya diri, welas asih, adil dan bijaksana."

The return of the Kings!